WHEN THE MEDS WEAR OFF

My phone has 3 alarms set: 7:00am, 12:00pm and 5:00pm. These are A's med times and I try not to waiver too much. If by chance he sleeps in on a Saturday or Sunday, the times may be pushed forward by an hour but for the most part we stick to the plan. And the plan works.

That is until this momma forgets because we were having too much fun to remember. I'm still new to this autism life and this weekend I did the unthinkable: I forgot to give him his mid-day dose AND we went out!!!! The horror!!!

Actually, for me it wasn't so bad because that was the A I was used to for so long. The hyper, aggressive, spin in circles, repeat after me, never shut up A.

But I was afraid of what the family would think. 

Essentially, only me, husband and the kids have seen really what A is capable of. We have friends and family that have seen some meltdowns, maybe a few tics but not many have witnessed a 6 year old destroy a classroom, flip over desks, pull computers off tables and rips pictures straight off the wall.

So when I realized I had forgotten to give A his meds, I scolded myself for not carrying spare medication in my purse. It all worked out in the end, we got him his medicine and he went back to enjoying his Saturday afternoon.

But it got me thinking......why was I so embarrassed for people to see A's personality? Essentially, why was I embarrassed of my son?

I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't embarrassment, it was me being a mother that didn't want to "burden" others with what I have dealt with. We do that as moms. We take on the world. Our shoulders are strong but after a while we start to wobble....we can't hold it all up. That moment of A being A, should have been welcoming, allowing others a glimpse into our life.

We struggle but our struggle is understanding how A sees the world. Letting people see A without his medication will allow them to better understand his life, our life and Autism in general.

All I Can Do Is Laugh

I laugh. Everyday I laugh at what our life has become. That may come across as insensitive but reality is, once A got his diagnosis, all of our lives changed. And the only way to get through each day is to laugh.

You see, my definition of autism has changed. When I first started my research I focused on the actual definition. You know, the one that Webster states as: a condition or disorder that begins in childhood and that causes problems in forming relationships and in communicating with other people.

And while Websters is correct, I've realized it is so much more then that. Each child is different. Each diagnosis is different.

So now I laugh because our definition of autism can be crazy at times. It's not whether A has had a "good" day or a "bad" day. He had "his" day.......and we are learning and laughing with him.

Our definition of autism is:

Dressing A in neon colors cause he's a runner (or wanderer)........and it's easier for me to spot him.

Never leaving home without his tablet. Never. Not once. And my phone is a constant hot spot for data.

Noise cancelling headphones if we go to the movies, a restaurant, a party...anywhere that is sensory overload.

Repeating myself over and over and yet, he never hears me.

Whispering to my husband something not meant to be heard, and yet A can hear it from the next room.

Everything is done on A's terms. Family picture? Not if he has anything to say about it.

Overeating cause he brain doesn't know how to shut off the sensation, then rubbing his back while he pukes it all up.

Chewing his toenails because nail clippers are too easy and he needs to self stim.

Haircuts in the tub because the buzzers at the barber shop make too much noise.

Wondering if he is having a meltdown, tantrum or is in sensory overload.....or maybe all 3!

Drawing the shades, curling up under a blanket and talking him down from a meltdown.

Knowing that I ordered pizza from a different place and not eating it.

Sitting in Target trying on socks to make sure they don't feel "funny".

And it is so much more! We are learning as much a A is learning to maneuver this life.

And all I can do is sit back and laugh at the kid dressed in a neon orange shirt at the park, sitting on a bench, chewing his toenails. That's my kid and I am so ever proud of him.......autism doesn't define him, he defines autism.