I Use To Judge Other Parents

There. I said it.

I was that judgmental parent. The kind that I look at now and remind myself that karma. It's real.

Thou shalt not judge. I was raised on this. But yet I was one to give the stink eye to everything I am now.

1. "Don't let your kids sleep with you".

• Sleep is a very precious thing and when you have a child that wakes at 2am and will not go back to sleep, you pull down the covers, put on Nick at Nite and invite them into bed. I don't care what age they are......sleep is sleep. Especially when they are the energizer bunny from 6am - 8pm on a normal basis.

      2. "Fast food is the devil......specifically McDonalds"

• Chicken Nuggets are a god send. I'm happy your child eats fruits and veggies but my child only eats foods that are beige in color. Carbs all day long. Children are starving all over the world....I'm just happy he actually eats. Drive thru here we come!!!

       3. "Cook one meal and if he doesn't eat it, go to bed hungry".

• Tonight I made chicken nuggets for one child, spaghetti for another and then dinner for me and hubs.  3 meals is easier then listening to one child complain, meltdown and otherwise ruin MY peaceful dinner. Also, refer to #2 because he doesn't eat anything but foods that are beige.

       4. "He's too old/too big to ride in the shopping cart"

• I agree with this because who honestly wants to push around an 84lb child in a grocery store cart? The alternate however, is him running through the store, touching everything on the shelves, picking all the beige food he could possibly eat and having numerous adults tell me how to discipline my child. No thank you. So into the carriage he goes and we pray nothing triggers a meltdown.

I no longer judge. I wanna high five the mom pushing her kid in the shopping carriage. Who knows, she may have been up all night with a rambunctious child and her only hope of completing grocery shopping is promises of McDonalds' chicken nuggets (don't forget the ketchup).

10 Things My Autistic Child Has Taught Me

Raising a child on the spectrum can be tough. Some days I seriously don't know how we got through the day.

But each day we do.

Each day is a learning experience, not just for A but for all of us. It is not just his world but our world as well.

If he has taught me anything, it has been to never doubt myself as a parent......oh and these other 10 things below:

1. You will learn you have way more patience then you ever thought you had. 
2. You wear a pair of invisible boxing gloves because you are always prepared for a fight.
3. Throw out all the advice from parenting books because 4 hours of television and 2 hours on the tablet make our Saturdays a lot calmer.
   
4. Your child will not be harmed from eating pizza and chicken nuggets every.single.day.
5. For a kid that hates loud noises, he makes a lot of them himself.
6. Professionals know a lot about autism but no one knows my child like I do.
7. People will stare. Take the opportunity to educate them on ASD.
8. It's okay to worry about their future, just don't let it take over the present. Enjoy every moment.
9. Watching him sleep gives me peace, knowing his brain is getting a little rest.
10. No matter how hard the days get, how long the journey becomes, I would never change who my child is.

Educate Yourself

I knew something wasn't quite right, something had changed.

A was acting different.

So I started reading. Some days this can be bad. You know those times when you have a headache and your seeing little floaty things so you go to Web MD. You have now diagnosed yourself with glaucoma, a concussion or an eye tumor.

In reality, you're dehydrated and sat up too fast.

This time my reading was good. It pointed to things like SPD, OCD and ADHD. Then I noticed the tics. In the back of my head I knew he was autistic. How could this happen all of a sudden?

I couldn't dwell on the how, I needed to focus on the "what now".

Once A received his formal diagnosis, I started reading as much as I could. Medical books, self help books, thesis' writing by pre-med students, case law and actual disability law. I knew that there would be people that would fight us, try and deny A services. I was just stocking up my arsenal.

As parents, whether your child is physically disabled, on the spectrum or neurotypical, you must educate yourselves in whatever effects their life.

It is our job to fully understand our children. Be a part of their school life. Their education. Their extracurricular activities.

Educate your self. It's the most important thing you can do in your child's life.

How Autism Made Me A Better Mom

When R was younger, I recall her coming in from school and getting her snack before being told to do her homework. And that's just what she did. She needed minimal assistance. Maybe some new math work was confusing her or she had a project that required the help of mom and dad. Otherwise she handled her shit. If she got it wrong, it would be corrected by the teacher and she would learn from her mistakes. Now we have a 17 year old in Advanced Placement and Honors classes because essentially, her homework was her job.

I have always been a working mom so after school programs have been a way of life. There was no parental chit chatting at normal pickup time. No after school play dates. No PTO volunteering or school committee meetings.I was not a part of her school years and she survived.

Fast forward 10 years later.

Since A's diagnosis, life has changed.

Maybe I can even say it has changed for the better in some areas.

Autism has made me a better mom.

I still work. Full-time. My kids still go to an after school program.

But it is autism that has made me want to be a part of their school lives. I need to know what A is doing for 8 hours a day. That means having relationships with the key people in his world. First name basis with teachers. Knowing that his school therapist also juggles the crazy life of work and raising kids, i think of us as kindred souls. I've made mom friends because A needs friends as well. How can I expect him so become comfortable in social skills if mom doesn't even know the other parents.

You can now find me researching the school budget, knowing who my school committee members are and attending PTO sponsored events.

And I like it.

It has given me purpose as a parent. I had a kid that was the proverbial swimmer...throw her in and she swam. I now have a doggie paddler....and without mom being involved, he would be in the deep end way over his head. My involvement is his life vest or shall I say, swim lesson?

A's diagnosis changed all our lives but it made me feel worthy of being called mom.