My phone has 3 alarms set: 7:00am, 12:00pm and 5:00pm. These are A's med times and I try not to waiver too much. If by chance he sleeps in on a Saturday or Sunday, the times may be pushed forward by an hour but for the most part we stick to the plan. And the plan works.
That is until this momma forgets because we were having too much fun to remember. I'm still new to this autism life and this weekend I did the unthinkable: I forgot to give him his mid-day dose AND we went out!!!! The horror!!!
Actually, for me it wasn't so bad because that was the A I was used to for so long. The hyper, aggressive, spin in circles, repeat after me, never shut up A.
But I was afraid of what the family would think.
Essentially, only me, husband and the kids have seen really what A is capable of. We have friends and family that have seen some meltdowns, maybe a few tics but not many have witnessed a 6 year old destroy a classroom, flip over desks, pull computers off tables and rips pictures straight off the wall.
So when I realized I had forgotten to give A his meds, I scolded myself for not carrying spare medication in my purse. It all worked out in the end, we got him his medicine and he went back to enjoying his Saturday afternoon.
But it got me thinking......why was I so embarrassed for people to see A's personality? Essentially, why was I embarrassed of my son?
I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't embarrassment, it was me being a mother that didn't want to "burden" others with what I have dealt with. We do that as moms. We take on the world. Our shoulders are strong but after a while we start to wobble....we can't hold it all up. That moment of A being A, should have been welcoming, allowing others a glimpse into our life.
We struggle but our struggle is understanding how A sees the world. Letting people see A without his medication will allow them to better understand his life, our life and Autism in general.
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