When
you have a child use the words "I hate myself" and "I want to die", you
panic. When it's your 6 year old, a small piece of you dies inside
because you feel like you've failed him.
What you really did was teach him to scream when he needs help. It was 2 months ago that he screamed and in turn, we screamed.
We
spent the evening at Boston Children's Hospital being evaluated for
A's well being. His official discharge papers said he had a
"tantrum". We call these episodes at home. What we have learned is he
was probably having a major anxiety attack and couldn't deal with his
feelings. In his little 6 year old head, he just wanted to be calm.
After
that day, we started screaming. At pediatricians, psychologists,
teachers, school officials. Everyone. And they started to listen.
We
got a formal diagnoses of ADHD. Then we started medication. Then we
switched medication because the first round didn't work well for the
little guy. Major side effect city!!!
He was then diagnosed with Unspecified Anxiety Disorder and we finalized his IEP with the school.
Then
came the big one. In my heart I knew for a few months but no one was
pointing it out. No one even mentioned the slightest possibility. Until
we met the right doctor. We finally didn't have to scream. He picked up
all the small "quirks". I showed him videos of how he acted at home.
He looked at me yesterday and said "I believe he is on the Autism Spectrum.
I smiled. I knew in my heart. And I was happy.
Happy that after all the screaming, we can finally work towards giving A the quality of life he deserves.
This is still the beginning. The road will be long, winding and bumpy but we will travel it together.
He may not be your typical child but his differences make him one of the coolest kids I know.
Sometimes you just have to scream to be heard. Don't stop screaming.
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