MY VILLAGE JUST GREW BY ONE

Today is the 1st day back to school. I should have ended that sentence with an exclamation point however, it is not something I have looked forward to. Sleepless nights, worrying over IEP's, new teachers and new friends (potential) has left this mama with more anxiety then A has going to the Rain Forest Cafe!


A woke up a little earlier then normal but after going to bed by 8:30pm and sleeping the entire night in his bed, I know this morning was off to a good start. We decided to walk to school because even the shortest walks gets out some of his energy before being asked to pay attention for a few hours.

We found his line immediately and A was pleasantly surprised that his classroom line was next to his big brothers.

We chatted with old friends and patiently waited for the teachers to come outside.

I spotted his guidance councilor and made a mental note to grab her ear as soon as possible.

The teachers started filing out the door, heading to their classroom lines. I saw A's teacher approaching as she shook every child's hand and introduced herself to us parents. I had requested this teacher in particular. She has a larger population of foreign children and we have come to learn that they have been the least likely to pick on Angelo for his disabilities.

Once A's teacher passed by us, another woman stopped by to introduce herself. She said she would be in A's class so I assumed she was the SPED teacher.....but no, I was wrong.

She is A's 1:1 aid!

I was elated. A had an aid for the last quarter of the school year last year and his behavior improved immensely. Having someone prompt when it's time to change task is huge for A. Without his aid I'm not sure if he would have made it to 2nd grade.

I wanted to hug his aid. And cry out of happiness. With that one handshake, all of my anxiety disappeared.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I just added a new family member to that village. That gives me justification to rewrite the first sentence above.

Today is the 1st day back to school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First day of 2nd grade!

Why We Camp

We became campers in 2011 after purchasing our first pop-up camper. Both hubby and I grew up as campers, myself being a tent camper and hubby traveled in an RV. We love the outdoors, campfires and traveling so it made sense. Little did we know A would be diagnosed autistic and this would be our main means of vacationing. We now travel in a 35' travel trailer that sleeps 8+ people. It's A's home away from home. Here are a few reasons why 99% of our vacations are camping:

• Camping allows A to enjoy traveling with us all while having the comforts of home.

• We always stay at a campground with cable. He needs his Cartoon network.

• He has his own bed, with his own blankets and his favorite stuffed animals from home.

• We don't have to eat out. A is pretty predictable when it comes to food. Turkey and cheese with mustard. Ellios Pizza. Pancakes with sausages. That is pretty much it. Throw in an occasional chicken finger, burger and bag of chips.

• He doesn't have to shower daily. We are camping.The minute A takes a shower, he's back outside in the dirt. We figure the daily hop in the campground pool = bath time. Winning!

• Camping has built up his independence. Allowing him to ride his scooter around with his big brother or just morning walks to the park. He is learning how to be a big boy.

• Camping is quiet (even though A is still loud). For a kid with major sensory issues, this is a blessing. No large amusement parks, loud airports or busy restaurants.

• Flip flops!! A hates socks (surprise, surprise) so a week in flip flops or even barefoot saves me the hassle of hearing "Mom!! It doesn't feel right"!!! 

I am sure we will travel one day by plane or maybe cruise ship but at this very moment we have found our source of vacationing that works for our family.

2016 Is My Bitch

Fuck you 2016. You thought you could drag us down. You thought "hey, let's flip their world upside down and laugh from across the room". Yeah. It hasn't been easy. Some days have down right sucked. But you know what? 2016 hasn't won. Actually, I have grabbed 2016 by the balls and made it my bitch! But only after 8 months have I realized it wasn't about me, or even us. An autism diagnosis is about the whole family. In a mere 8 months I have learned who true friends are. I have watched a 16 year old grow up and gain a fierce protectiveness over her brother. I have watched an 8 year old struggle with why he gets treated differently. And I won't lie. He does. We all do. And it's not just autism. It's any disability because honestly, who plans on a disability being a part of their life. From the moment you find out you're pregnant, you expect perfection. You worry about what you eat, how much rest you get, but nothing guarantees perfection because there is no such thing. If I was told 7 years ago that my son would be autistic, would it change anything? Not a damn thing. Not for this family. My child is the coolest kid I know. His siblings are amazing little people that will grow into compassionate adults having grown up around a disability. So while some days I have doubts, I am worn out and feel like I have nothing left to give, I do have a big middle finger for 2016. You haven't won. This was our year. This is when we became stronger then ever and you can never take that away from us.

Letting Go

This weekend we had the luxury of pulling our camper (Sexy Beast) to our friends vacation lake home in New Hampshire. It was absolutely relaxing and serene. And our camper is one place that A feels at home because, well it is his home. Everything he loves and cherishes (and needs so get through the day) goes into the camper. DVDs, 2 iPad's, favorite stuffed animals, the food he can't live without (this week is turkey and cheese sandwiches) and any other item that allows us to vacation in peace.

We spent Friday lounging at the lake, fishing and swimming out to the dock for some cannon ball fun.

The boys kept asking our gracious hosts when we could take the boat out.

What started out as a cloudy Saturday turned into a warm, humid and sunny afternoon. It was boat time!!!

We all piled into the boat, life vests on and ready for some tubing. My kids and myself were tubing virgins, my husband already had that cherry popped.

I was a little uneasy because A doesn't care for anything that goes fast. Amusement rides are hit or miss. And although he has taken a ride on dad's motorcycle, it was a slow circle around a campground we stayed at.

The boys decided they were going on first.....climbing out onto the tube and drifting behind us, my heart started to beat hard. "This would be a 10 second ride before A starts screaming to let him off" I thought to myself.

G knew the hand signals and the minute we pulled off, a thumbs up went up, indicating he wanted to go faster. Thump, thump, thump. I can't get to him if he needs me. Wonder if he falls off? Wonder if he gets so scared we end up in a meltdown? We will be leaving soon, I know it.

A was smiling. He was laughing. We stopped to check on them and in unison, they both screamed "go again".

There was my happy A, doing something new, without his mama by his side.

My heart slowed down a little, my palms eased up from the nervous fist they were in.

I was finally letting go. Letting go of fear and letting go of the helicopter "momtality" I had.......my autistic son CAN do things. I will be here to protect him but I also need to let him live.

He lived this weekend and I let go. We're both making great strides.