The "C" Word

I am not referring to that big bad word I have used on occasion to describe a woman that has stared as A has a meltdown in the store. Not that word.

While A is diagnosed on the spectrum he also has other diagnosis'.

These are called comorbidities.

These can be hard to diagnosis because many comorbid traits overlap with autism.

They can range from ADHD to epilepsy.

A has a handful of comorbid diagnosis' that can make determining issues difficult at times.

• ADHD - Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

I feel as though nowadays a lot of people have heard of ADD or ADHD. Basically if your child is hyper and won't sit still, they probably have ADHD. WRONG!!! Many kids (and adults) that are ADHD are not hyper. They may have difficulty paying attention or focusing on one thing for a length of time. A has a combined type. He has difficulty focusing, is fidgety, talks excessively and doesn't know how to play quietly.

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder

A worries.  He worries about not having friends. He worries about if they decide to change the lunch at school from pizza to something he hates. He worries if mom goes away. He worries that he won't be able to get through the school day without getting in trouble. He worries. He worries a lot.

• Sensory Processing Disorder

Do you go to Target and open packages of socks to try on till you find the right brand? Does your kiddo wear noise cancelling headphones in the lunchroom? Maybe they don't hug anyone other then you and dad because the touch is uncomfortable. A loves the color orange...specifically neon because it is visual appealing and gives his senses a good feeling. He needs to jump or crash a lot. It makes him feel good....almost complete.

So while autism is a big part of our life, we acknowledge that there is so much more going on in that beautiful mind of A.

My Annoying Little Bother....I Mean Brother.

"Play with me G".

This is screamed through my house on a daily basis. Some days big brother G is okay with playing with the little bother. Other days, he couldn't be bothered (see what I did there?).

While most of us are understanding and trying to learn and maneuver the world of A, there is one guy that looks at his little brother as the same little brother he has always had. There are no changes.

And A can be annoying. He makes weird noises. He growls, grunts and has throat clearing tics. It drives us crazy but we understand why he does it. G does not.

I've bought numerous books on autism, geared towards kids and siblings. G has read them. he has even pointed out the "A does that too"! But it still doesn't register, because to G, A is still just his little brother.

We walk a fine line between making sure G has his own identity, his own alone time, but also ensuring that he makes quality time for the bother, er brother.

At times I wish G could understand A's autism......but for the most part I am happy G looks past it and just sees his little brother as his little bother. They way siblings should be.

Educate Yourself

I knew something wasn't quite right, something had changed.

A was acting different.

So I started reading. Some days this can be bad. You know those times when you have a headache and your seeing little floaty things so you go to Web MD. You have now diagnosed yourself with glaucoma, a concussion or an eye tumor.

In reality, you're dehydrated and sat up too fast.

This time my reading was good. It pointed to things like SPD, OCD and ADHD. Then I noticed the tics. In the back of my head I knew he was autistic. How could this happen all of a sudden?

I couldn't dwell on the how, I needed to focus on the "what now".

Once A received his formal diagnosis, I started reading as much as I could. Medical books, self help books, thesis' writing by pre-med students, case law and actual disability law. I knew that there would be people that would fight us, try and deny A services. I was just stocking up my arsenal.

As parents, whether your child is physically disabled, on the spectrum or neurotypical, you must educate yourselves in whatever effects their life.

It is our job to fully understand our children. Be a part of their school life. Their education. Their extracurricular activities.

Educate your self. It's the most important thing you can do in your child's life.

How Autism Made Me A Better Mom

When R was younger, I recall her coming in from school and getting her snack before being told to do her homework. And that's just what she did. She needed minimal assistance. Maybe some new math work was confusing her or she had a project that required the help of mom and dad. Otherwise she handled her shit. If she got it wrong, it would be corrected by the teacher and she would learn from her mistakes. Now we have a 17 year old in Advanced Placement and Honors classes because essentially, her homework was her job.

I have always been a working mom so after school programs have been a way of life. There was no parental chit chatting at normal pickup time. No after school play dates. No PTO volunteering or school committee meetings.I was not a part of her school years and she survived.

Fast forward 10 years later.

Since A's diagnosis, life has changed.

Maybe I can even say it has changed for the better in some areas.

Autism has made me a better mom.

I still work. Full-time. My kids still go to an after school program.

But it is autism that has made me want to be a part of their school lives. I need to know what A is doing for 8 hours a day. That means having relationships with the key people in his world. First name basis with teachers. Knowing that his school therapist also juggles the crazy life of work and raising kids, i think of us as kindred souls. I've made mom friends because A needs friends as well. How can I expect him so become comfortable in social skills if mom doesn't even know the other parents.

You can now find me researching the school budget, knowing who my school committee members are and attending PTO sponsored events.

And I like it.

It has given me purpose as a parent. I had a kid that was the proverbial swimmer...throw her in and she swam. I now have a doggie paddler....and without mom being involved, he would be in the deep end way over his head. My involvement is his life vest or shall I say, swim lesson?

A's diagnosis changed all our lives but it made me feel worthy of being called mom.

Finding Friendship

A gets so upset when big brother G hangs out with friends. All A has ever wanted were friendships, to hang out with other kids and just have fun.

Well, he got his wish.

Granted, mommy made it happen because A's social awkwardness tends to get in the way, but it happened none the less.

Thank you to his school buddy for hanging out, playing Lego's and video games and just showing A that friendships are possible.

Happiness comes in friendships

Kindness Does Exist

It's our 3rd day of school and we haven't been kicked out yet. I'm joking. Kinda.

When I met A after school yesterday, his smile said it all.

"How was your day buddy"?

"I love 2nd grade".

Best response ever.

So when we showed up in line this morning, we started our line up ritual. Hubby found that Rock, Paper, Scissors reduces his before school anxiety. We spend a few minutes talking about our daily expectations, after school activities and then jump into rock, paper, scissors before the teacher comes out.

This morning we had a visitor to our line. A little girl showed up with a plastic bag in hand.

Little girl: "Hi A, I brought you a present. Close your eyes".

A: Okay (closes his eyes but peeks though)

Little Girl: "I got you a Chewbacca Furbie! Because you had a Chewbacca backpack last year"!

A: "Wow. This is awesome (and proceeds to make the Chewbacca growling noise).

I know that A was so happy not at the toy but at the thought of having someone like him enough to give him a gift. I was just happy to just have a little girl recognize that A is a pretty cool kid that loves Star Wars.

I challenge you all to make a difference in someones life.

Deliver a meal to an elderly relative. Offer a ride to someone without a car. Volunteer. Be kind.

There is someone out there that can use your kindness. Maybe one day you'll be on the receiving end.

#GoBeKind